Sommelier: Secrets of the wine labels

by Mathew Sloane, Liverpool Daily Post

Matthew Sloane

HAPPY New Year! And for those of you who have been slaving away making Christmas happen for other people, or picking up the pieces of their annual debauchery – welcome to January, I’m sure you’ve earned it.

I’m going to introduce you to a few wine facts that you can impress your friends with over a cup of herbal tea or a half pint of Lambrini, whichever rocks your world.

Wine labels can be confusing, there are rules, regulations, local variations, daft languages, marketing ploys and silly pictures; all of which can make buying a bottle of something cheeky to go with your beef welly a Herculean task. Nonsense terms like – “Special Blend”, “Finest Reserve”, “Winemaker’s Sunday Best”, “Grandma’s Favourite” are a waste of ink. These misguiding messages are unregulated and have no bearing whatsoever on quality.

A lot of wine is labelled with reference to the region in which it’s made – Rioja, Bordeaux, Beaujolais, Valpolicella and Chablis. Chablis is the main culprit for sending wine waiters into fits of apoplexy – it’s made from 100% Chardonnay, as is nearly all of white Burgundy. Don’t order Chablis because you don’t like Chardonnay, you may end up wearing the wine. The reason why your Chablis tastes nothing like the buttery bottle of Australian grape-soup is complicated, but in essence it’s about soil, climate and winemaking methods. Chablis is grown in a moderate climate on limestone soils and is made to be dry with good acidity and a crisp palate. Cheap Chardonnay is probably grown in tropical heat on pink plasticine and blended by drunk pirates to taste like my nan’s trifle.

Rioja is a region in northern Spain, named after the Rio Oja – the River Oja – which runs through it. Reds are usually made from Tempranillo and Garnacha, and the lesser-known yet often lovely whites are created with Viura or Malvasia. All Riojas must be graded according to barrel and bottle ageing, the words to look out for are – Vino Joven, Crianza, Reserva and Gran Reserva, with the latter being the term for the longest amount of time spent smooching some oak or hanging around in a dark cellar. The grander sounding Reserva wines may not be the most pleasing to your palate. If you like your reds fruity, plump for a Joven or a Crianza, there’ll be more juicy, berry flavours and less of the lip-coating, teeth- blackening tannins which make a lady look unrefined.

To finish, I’d like to waffle about Champagne. For the myriad of punters who presented a plethora of posers about Champagne over Christmas, I hope the following will help. If not, feel free to pop down to Vinea on the dock and bend my ear. Champagne is only made in the Champagne region of France. It’s predominantly made from a blend of three grapes – Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier. These clever chaps can make white champagne with any combination of white and black grapes, the flesh of any grape is virtually colourless – any required colour comes from the skins. After some still wine is knocked together, one of the top boys at the cellar will blend a load of wines in order to keep a consistent style from year to year. Now, the wine is bottled and a cosmic mix of yeast, sugar and wine is added, the bottle is capped and bubbles magically appear – thanks to some complicated chemical reactions from the added potion. Cheaper sparkling wine is made fizzy by squirting carbon dioxide into it, this leads to a less desirable fizz. The Champers bottles then get rolled around, turned upside down and the dead yeast and bits of muck move to the top of the neck and get given their marching orders. After a bit of tarting up with wine and sugar, a massive cork is forced into the neck and it’s ready for swigging. Aces.