Sommelier: How to fool wine chappies into thinking you're top in the plonk stakes

Apr 8 2008 by Mathew Sloane, Liverpool Daily Post

SPRING. Yeah, right. I was going to furnish you with some smart tipple to kick off the barbecue season, but I don't think a delicate bottle of Riesling is going to be fend off the apocalyptic weather that is doing its utmost best to tear apart our soon to be beautiful city with all the fervour and intent of a last-ditch Carragher tackle.

I've decided to waffle on a bit about restaurant etiquette and, more importantly, how to fool arrogant wine chappies like myself into thinking you're a bit of a top boy or girl in the plonk stakes.

More and more restaurants are realising the value of employing a wine professional. We're mostly here to help, but if we reckon you're trying to get one over on us, you'll be drinking the bottle of shocking '89 Brunello we've been trying to offload for ages.

The first rule – don't ask to see, sniff, taste or in any way bother the cork. Cork sniffing is for weirdos, occasionally your sommelier or waiter may check the cork at his station. We're checking for cork taint, a nasty little fungus that'll murder your wine and leave it smelling like it was killed and left in a bin bag full of Stilton, leave it to us.

After we’ve poured your wine, you may then give it a bit of nose action. Don’t hold it up to the light – you’ll discover nothing but wine in there.

After we’ve left, take a bit more time to taste your booze, if it’s not to your liking or you think there may be a fault, let us know, immediately. I can assure you that the most important thing to all good restaurant professionals is that you enjoy your experience, we want you to enjoy your wine and tell everybody how fantastic it and the service was.

If you’re feeling adventurous, try allowing the wine guy to choose your wine, they’ll be chuffed and will usually choose a secret bargain from the cellar that he usually saves for friends, family and punters he wants to take dancing.

Matching wine with food is fairly subjective, but your wine waiter should know a few bottles that will complement his chef’s menu. If he’s a good lad or she’s a good girl, you’ll be offered a few choices at different prices. If you tell us that price isn’t an issue, make sure you mean it.

Above all, treat your server with respect and courtesy and make sure you tip, and tip well. Good punters are talked about with great reverence and always get the best service, trust me.

With that little lesson over, I’m going to waffle a little about a food and wine combination you have to try or we may fall out. I was invited over to a most talented, culinary friend, for a spot of seafood lasagne, apparently adapted from a Jamie Oliver recipe. After much deliberation, I selected a bottle from our cellars at Vinea, a cheeky Domaine De Fussiacus Pouilly Fuisse.

Pouilly Fuisse is a white, Burgundian wine made in the south of the region, the Maconnais. This is lovely, honeyed stuff with an elegant and clean finish. The combination was perfect. It’s important not to try a bone-dry, highly acidic wine with creamy food, it can almost curdle on the palate. The combination of a perfectly nutmeggy white sauce, beautifully seasoned seafood and a real humdinger of a wine made for a great dinner. Give it a whirl.