ALEX TURNER is the general manager of financial training firm, Ambitious Minds

TUESDAY morning, and I’m in the office hoping that today is the day that – finally – BT install the phone line into the office.

Much like the way Royal Mail’s sluggish performance meant that even the Luddites willingly embraced email, then the best reason for SMEs to adopt a mobile-only solution is because it means BT are cut out of the loop.

David Walliams’s 140-mile swim down the Thames is considered a feat of endurance. It may be impressive, but I’d rather do that than dive into the black hole of Openreach.

Here’s the short version: Three weeks after knocking on the bureaucratic gates of BT, one of two appointments was pushed back another three weeks. I appealed, it was “escalated” (in BT-speak), refused, escalated again, then offered a Saturday appointment.

I had ignored the smirk on the phone engineer’s face when he said “A Saturday appointment? You’ve done well”.

I had an even more direct warning. An hour before the start of my five-hour appointment window, Pauline called to check the order “because we don't usually install ISDN lines on Saturdays”. She then added: “I'll try and find an engineer who can do it.”

Then, 3½ hours later, came the inevitable call, that the engineer was delayed and wouldn’t be able to make it.

Openreach’s phone number is a closely-guarded secret and the number they call you on doesn’t accept incoming calls. Twitter offered hope, but @BTCare lost interest after they sent me the online form to fill in. It turns out they only deal with residential enquiries, but it took 24 hours for them to tell me that.

An email to Openreach’s MD of sales and customer experience on Sunday provoked a flurry of activity between 8am and 9am on Monday and involved BT’s head of customer services. The result was an engineer was scheduled for 3pm – although, by 5pm, they decided they couldn’t commit to anyone being there by 7pm.

And so, for the third time in four days, I’m waiting for BT. By the time you’re reading this, my problem should be resolved, but the wider problem with Openreach will not be.

They are providing a service that no-one else is allowed to, creating a huge blockage for start-ups and expanding firms which there is no workaround. Except a telecoms solution which requires no landlines.