THERE are moments in life when, no sooner have the words left your lips, you realise you have made a grave, grave mistake.
If you're the person who has made the mistake – committing to a weekend paintballing in Reading, for example, after days of nagging from mates who say it'll be fun – that sinking feeling is almost instant.
For the person watching you make that grave, grave mistake, there are few things more amusing to witness.
And that's why the highlight of last weekend's X Factor double bill was the moment new judge Nicole Scherzinger offered the third, and final, place in her boys category to Rylan Clark.
Clark is the worst sort of exhibitionist. While there was something innocent – although still intensely annoying – about Jedward the other year, there's something a lot more pre-planned, almost cynical, about Clark.
You get the impression the worst thing he could be called in life is “normal”.
So when, despite all the warning signs – wearing some sort of headscarf in the final selection in Dubai “because it's what people wear around here”, almost poking Dermot O'Leary's eye out with a spike on his shoulder pad when hugging him in an earlier round – Nicole put him through as one of her final three, waterworks which followed should have been expected.
What I don't think anyone expected, was the display of waterworks. It was Bellagio fountains of crying displays – a little ironic, given it was Louis Walsh who was doing the choosing in Las Vegas, but there you go.
The crying in the most rough-looking cushions, the collapsing off a very stiff sofa on to the floor, the doubling over as the weeping continued – it was as though Nicole had drowned his mum's favourite kitten in front of him and then sent it off to have the fat removed for a low-calorie snack, not the chance to find fame – or most likely ridicule – on Britain's most watched talent show.
Nicole's face, for what it's worth, was priceless. She knows she's made a mistake.
She told Clark he was “a risk I just have to take”. Ten seconds later, I'm pretty convinced she was re-evaluating her decision.
Still, we're on to the boring bit this weekend when the first X Factor heat starts. Wake me up when we're down to the last eight.
Elsewhere on ITV 1, am I alone in just not getting Downton Abbey (ITV 1, 9pm, Sunday)?
I've never been a huge fan of period dramas – watching BBC Education productions of Shakespeare while at school is to blame there – but I always thought Downton was different – more Coronation Street in big dresses and top hats rather than a dramatical glimpse into the past.
If that's the case, then they need to work on the plots. So far this series, we've seen old man loves Lord Grantham's daughter and they plan to marry but Lord Grantham warns him off and then relents, only for old man to abandon her in church.
This sort of plot takes Corrie months to work through – in Downton it takes three episodes. And they say things were slower in the old days.
Elsewhere, Lord Grantham feared having to lose Downton Abbey after making a bad investment (he invested in Canadian railways, which turned out to be sub-prime in 2010 speak). For two weeks the family feared having to leave the big old house, until one of his son-in-laws pops up and says “I've inherited some money and here's a letter to show I have a clear conscious about it”. Disaster averted.
It's not exactly deep, is it?
What I’ll be watching next week: Monroe (ITV 1, 9pm, Monday). Best medical-related drama out there.