It’s easy to get labelled fall guy

Feb 28 2007 by Andy Proudfoot, Liverpool Daily Post

FOOTBALL people have a language all of their own.

Whether it’s ex-pros claiming that a goalkeeper will be “disappointed with himself” for tripping over a wayward bootlace, losing his shorts along with his balance, and catapulting the ball into his own net with his backside, or commentators using “handbags” to refer to any physical confrontation short of an attempted decapitation, the game’s analysts and participants gain comfort from this esoteric dialect that sets them apart from mere mortals like us.

These linguists invoked another of their favourite epithets last weekend against Steven Gerrard and Andy (sorry, not calling a footballer Andrew) Johnson, who were both accused of “going down too easily” to gain penalties against Sheffield United and Watford respectively.

The clear implication here is that footballers have a moral duty to stay on their feet despite the efforts of thuggish or untalented defenders to remove their clothing, tie their legs round the back of their neck or clamber on their back like some rutting tortoise.

Any other course of action is clearly unspeakable, and something introduced into our game by those nasty foreign Johnnies.

Andy Johnson may well have acquired a reputation for, shall we say, exaggerating the degree of contact (no writs please Mr Moyes) but on this occasion he looked to have merely fallen under the pressure of a strong but legitimate challenge – no penalty maybe, but not a dive either.

Of the two penalty decisions awarded for Stevie G, the second was blatant, he was clearly held back while travelling at speed, an action which is guaranteed to unbalance and send you sprawling to the ground.

No chance of staying on your feet there then. It was the first award that attracted the most suspicion, Neil Warnock in particular claiming that Gerrard had goaded the player and the referee into conceding and awarding the foul respectively.

Now leaving to one side for the moment the stupidity of the defender, who must have thought he was suddenly invisible while embracing Gerrard like a lovesick Koala, just what did he expect Stevie to do?

Run off somewhere he was safe from molestation? Return his affection with a kiss on the cheek?

The last time I looked there was nothing in the laws of the game to say that you had to make every effort to avoid being fouled; if you see it coming, and choose to accept it, then that’s not diving, or even gamesmanship; it’s a legitimate decision, leading to a proper punishment.

A foul’s a foul, no matter how you react.

Brawl was my final irony >>>