RED WATCH: Fernando Torres is the new king of the Kop

Apr 2 2008 by Our Correspondent, Liverpool Daily Post

“I CAN’T explain it but I’m always more confident when I am facing that end of the pitch.”

Hardly a case for the X-Files, but these innocent words from Fernando Torres to account for his phenomenal strike rate in front of the Kop will surely endear him still further to those enraptured by the speed with which he has adapted to life in the Premier League.

Not since the arrival of Kenny Dalglish and perhaps John Barnes has a new signing been accorded cult hero status quite so quickly, and neither of those were serenaded by a specially-composed ditty which could probably mount a strong challenge for the Eurovision Song Contest, were it not for the fact that the rest of the continent hates our guts for invading Iraq.

The bond between player and crowd already seems stronger than between your finger and a model plane, and there’s no-one reaching for the nail polish remover.

Scoring the winning goal in the derby is no bad way to write your way into Kop folklore; would you remember Alan Waddle otherwise? (Back of the class for all those saying ‘Who?’)

Remarkably for an apparently slightly-built, will-o’-the wisp forward, he appears to relish the rough stuff he receives each week; witness the hat-trick he scored at Reading earlier in the season, despite the efforts of Duberry and Bikey to separate the parts of his body and put them back in a different order.

He never flinches; you never catch him looking for the tackle rather than focus on the ball; and his physical presence belies his slight frame.

And best of all he scores goals – lots of them, with both feet and his head. Not just any old goals, but goals of class, daring and finesse. Goals to get you out of your seat, goals to have you screaming his name in the general direction of the pitch.

Yes, Fernando Torres, we love you.

So if you don’t mind, can we have another one tonight? For this would be a special goal all right, known in the trade as an ‘away’ goal.

In Europe, and even in Finsbury Park, these mysterious beasts have assumed an importance that lifts them far above any ‘ordinary’ or ‘home’ goal.

Such is the standing attached to these goals by managers and pundits alike, that many would have you believe that it’s better to lose 2-1 than draw 0-0.

These are the same people of course who you often hear comment that leading by 2-0 is a ‘difficult’ scoreline as it confuses you as to whether you should continue to attack or defend the lead – Bolton obviously suffered such a schizophrenic attack at the weekend.

And just to be clear, if you do score and we win 1-0, then this away goal will never actually count double, as for it to be brought into play the opposition will have to have scored an away goal in our home game, thus nullifying our away goal in their home game. Okay?

Perhaps it’s best, dear Fernando, if you just follow some basic rules: we win if we score more goals than Arsenal over both games (the one in the middle doesn’t count), wherever they are scored; and there’s no bad time to score a goal, so just stick it in the net whether a chance arrives in the first minute or the last.

And to be on the safe side when it comes to securing your future employment, remember to salute both sides of the security netting separating our co-owners in the directors’ box.