Every hug makes me see I’m a great mother

Feb 6 2008 by Emma Pinch, Liverpool Daily Post

Fern Britton, the smiley, mumsy face of daytime TV and now the patron of Post-Natal Illness UK, admitted afterwards: “I’ve had times when I wished I would not wake up.” It’s an impulse that some despairing new mothers do end up acting on. Last December, 30-year-old Heather Finkill, from Hampshire, deliberately walked onto the M3 motorway two weeks after the birth of twins. Her family said they had no idea she was suffering from post-natal depression.

In fact, perinatal illness is the largest single cause of maternal death, through suicide, in the UK, with 10% taking place in the first year of the baby’s life.

“It is not necessarily that they want to kill themselves, it’s that they don’t want to feel this way any more,” explains Diane Nehme, honorary secretary of PNI–UK “Suicide seems a way of making that pain stop.”

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists estimate between 12% and 15% of new mothers suffer post-natal depression, and a more recent study by midwives puts it at closer to 21% in the North.

Between a third and a half of those will be severely affected.

Diane explains that exact figures are tricky because of the stigma attached to any emotional health problems.

“It’s very, very difficult to admit to anyone that this isn’t happening as you wanted, and you’re feeling miserable,” she says. “People see someone their own age who seems to be coping marvellously well and think, why am I not happy? ‘Why is this so much harder for me?’

Old emotional problems bubbling up to the surface is common, and a counsellor who worked with Jenni revealed she was still suffering with tangled issues over her father’s suicide while she was in her teens.

“Often, whatever was happening before in your life is magnified with this illness, whether it was something you were depressed about before pregnancy or a minor worry about the baby contracting a virus,” explains Diane.

Doctors are divided on what extent hormonal imbalance surrounding delivery plays in post-natal depression – to be distinguished from the shorter term “baby blues” which usually dissipate within a fortnight or so of birth. But isolation, disappearance of identity, financial pressure and a general feeling of ineptitude can certainly help to further whip up the maelstrom of emotions, which can last for several years.

Certainly modern childbirth, reduced to a clinical in-and-out medical procedure, hasn’t helped.

“There’s no education on motherhood at all now, whereas 30 years ago there was a 10-day confinement period, and the baby taken away so the mother could rest and a nurse could show you the ropes,” says Diane. “Now you can be in and out in 12 hours and you don’t always have the extended family to help with practical issues.”

Online networking groups, such Net Mums, are helping to fill the gap, and putting new mothers in touch with local groups and individuals.

Going to a baby yoga class was the pivotal point in Jenni’s illness. There, other mums admitted that maternity had been far from the rosy-tinted idyll that people expected.

“I used to hide away from everybody upstairs, with the phone plug pulled out, and here were others who had done the same thing,” says Diane. “I realised I wasn’t the only person going insane.”

Five mums started a Knowsley pilot scheme called Steps Forward, aimed at finding practical ways to tackle the illness. When that finished, Jennifer tentatively took the baton, with Let’s Face It. It met wherever it could in kitchens and church halls and discuss coping strategies and combating negative thinking.

They plan a library of information books and complimentary therapies and childcare. On February 29, she’s holding an event for doctors and other health professionals in the area so they can refer sufferers to them. The lack of signposts to help, compared to the forest of literature advertising help for stopping smoking and drugs, high blood pressure and sexual help makes Jenni passionate about making sure depressed new mums can find help for their illness, too.

“I do wish there was some way of letting women know, even before they give birth, about post- natal depression, and where to find help before it gets to such a critical stage.

“And I hope people in other areas will see what we’ve managed with our group, and if we can do it, medicated up to the eyeballs, anybody can.”

Jenni herself isn’t out of the woods yet, but she’s making progress. She’s just celebrated Lucy’s first birthday, with a party and hundreds of photos to file away as happy memories.

“I feel blessed every day that I didn’t go through with killing myself, but looking at the thousands of photos taken of Lucy and realising how few of them I am in makes me sad,” she admits.

“I still dream of my daughter growing up without me almost every night. But every hug or kiss she gives me, and every laugh, and it makes me see I’m a bloody great mother.”

* LET’S Face It, every Friday, 9.30am-12pm. New Hutte Neighbourhood Centre, Lichfield Road, Halewood, Merseyside, L26. Contact: Jenni West on 07795 525 605 or Email: jenniwest@hotmail.co.uk

* FOR more information on post natal depression visit www.pni-uk.com

emma.pinch@dailypost.co.uk