Fear, horror and then my guilt at leaving Madeleine

Aug 6 2007 by Caroline Innes, Liverpool Daily Post

THE Liverpool-born mother of missing Madeleine McCann has spoken for the first time of her regret at leaving her daughter alone.

On Saturday it will be 100 days since Madeleine McCann was snatched from the Portuguese resort of Praia da Luz.

Interviewed for the first time without her husband, Kate McCann,who grew up in Allerton and attended Notre Dame High School, spoke of the overwhelming fear and horror she felt at the moment she realised her three-year-old daughter had been taken.

She revealed on the very night she was abducted Madeleine had told her mother what a fantastic time she was having on their holiday, playing with other children at the complex’s kids club.

Before she had gone to bed that night, Madeleine had said: “Mummy, I’ve had the best day ever. I’m having lots and lots of fun.”

Mrs McCann, whose parents Susan and Brian Healey live in Mossley Hill, said: “The kids had a fantastic time.

“Madeleine in particular had a ball. They did swimming, went on a little boat, went to the beach, did lots of colouring in and face painting.

“They played tennis, which she loved, she was so happy. They had a little dance prepared for Friday. It was a little presentation they were working on in the days before. I don’t know what it was, I never got to see it.”

The GP went on to relive the moment when after returning from the Tapas restaurant, where she and husband Gerry had been dining with friends, she realised that the apartment had been broken into and Madeleine had been taken.

She said: “There was about 20 seconds of disbelief where I thought ‘that can’t be right’.

“I was checking for her. Then there was panic and fear. That was the first thing that hit. I was screaming her name.

“I ran to the group. Everyone was the same. It was just total fear. I never thought for one second that she’d walked out. I knew someone had been in the apartment because of the way it had been left.”

Then, feelings of guilt for leaving her set in.

“Every hour now, I still question, ‘why did I think that she was safe?’

“I can’t describe how much I love Madeleine. If I’d had to think for one second, ‘should we have dinner and leave them?’ I wouldn’t have done it.

“It didn’t happen like that. I didn’t have to think for a second, that’s how safe I felt.

“Maybe it was because it was family-friendly, because it felt so safe. I love her and I’m a totally responsible parent and that’s the only thing that keeps me going. I have no doubt about that.”

She added: “People have said to me you’re the unluckiest person in the world, and we are.

“That night runs over and over in my mind, and I’m sure people will learn from our mistake, if you want to call it that.

“But it is important not to lose sight of the fact we haven’t committed a crime. Somebody has. Somebody’s been there, somebody’s been watching.

“They took our daughter away and we can’t lose sight of that.”

Mrs McCann said she had found criticism from the public hurtful but had tried to keep going for Madeleine’s sake.

“Every day I’m hoping we won’t get to the next day without her. But we have to keep going for Madeleine.

“If I could say one thing to comfort her it’s that we love her.

“She knows we’re looking for her, that we’re doing absolutely everything and we’ll never give up.”

carolineinnes