TV funnyman Russell Brand stole the show at the Royal Variety Performance when he promised to introduce himself to the Queen as “sh***er of the year” before making a play for Zara Phillips.

Big-haired Brand, 32, told the Queen, the Duke of Edinburgh and the audience at the 79th Royal Variety Performance, held in Liverpool, of his growing interest in her grand-daughter Zara.

On stage at the Liverpool Empire Theatre, he said: “I have been thinking an awful lot about Zara recently, no, just wondering if she’s single.

“Nah, there would be a courtship... then a court martial.”

Brand, famed for dating a host of celebrities, wondered aloud what he should say to the Queen upon introduction.

He said he would feel very nervous but would say: “Are you aware I’m sh***er of the year?

“Not that I’m suggesting a demo or anything.”

Brand, a presenter of Big Brother Little Brother, upped the ante further claiming to be very respectful of the Queen.

“When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed,” he said.

Clad in his trademark tight black trousers, Brand’s humour drew huge applause.

The audience laughed at his joke about dole queues which was aimed at them.

“When I was signing on for years, no no, I am not just trying to appeal to the people of Liverpool,” he joked.

After the performance the celebrity lothario was mobbed for photographs and autographs by fellow performers and dancers backstage.

Asked what the Queen said to him, the comic said: “She said she enjoyed my act very much and she wished it had been me who broke into her bedroom that time.”

He added that in writing material for the show he aimed to display his “respect” for the monarch.

American comedienne and chat show host Joan Rivers went down a treat - raising eyebrows with a handful of “sh**s”, a smattering of “bi**hes” and even one “f**k”.

Asked afterwards for the Royal couple’s reaction during the onstage introductions, she said: “I felt embarrassed and liberated, another barrier came down.

“I felt like Nelson against the French, I did something very good for England.

“Prince Philip was very charming and thought it was very funny.”

After Rivers, 74, let slip the unintentional “f**” she covered her face in embarrassment, leant forward so her head was hanging down and said to the Queen: “Chop it off.”

She joked that organisers had told her not to swear before she went on stage.

Acts included American rock band Bon Jovi, British stars James Blunt and Seal, Latin calendar boy Enrique Iglesias and Welsh mezzo-soprano Katherine Jenkins, 27.

Comedians included Jimmy Tarbuck, Stephen K Amos and pub landlord Al Murray - who at one point got the audience singing Insy Winsy Spider.

But the biggest cheer of the night was saved for Britain’s Got Talent winner Paul Potts.

Potts, whose life has been transformed in just months from selling mobile phones to selling millions of albums, belted out Pavarotti’s Nesssun Dorma.

After meeting the Queen and Prince Philip, he said: “I’ve never met her before.

“She said she enjoyed the performance - this really is a dream come true.

“It still feels like a huge change in my life.

“I still pinch myself sometimes.”

The evening was hosted by Kate Thornton and Phillip Schofield - who pleased the audience by telling them Liverpool was the most “swinging city in the world”.