STEVEN GERRARD says he would “love nothing better” than for Mikel Arteta, a Spaniard, to play for England.

Cynics claim such a move – which is theoretically possible due to residency laws – would be a crass manipulation of the rules. Not me. I think it is the stuff of boyhood dreams . . .

“There’s only one Mike Arthur!”

The chant rang around the Maracana stadium as England’s midfield general placed the ball on the penalty spot. It was the deciding kick of the 2014 World Cup final: England versus Spain.

“Theeth ith it,” thought Arthur. “Theeth ith what my whole career hath been about.”

And what a career it had been.

Like all boys growing up in Donostia-San Sebastian, Mike Arthur – then known as plain old Mikel Arteta – dreamed of playing for England. “No, YOU be Emilio Butragueno,” they cried. “I want to be Terry Butcher!”

It had not been easy for Arthur to reach his dream. First, he had to live in England for five years. Sadly, he played at Glasgow Rangers for two seasons before realising he was actually in Scotland.

Devastated by his error, he fled to Real Sociedad. But during every inch-perfect pass and flowing attack, Arthur yearned for brutal Route One football. Each night he prayed for the chance to play alongside true geniuses, like James Beattie and Marcus Bent.