AS an ex-pat, one of the questions I’m often asked by inquisitive southern softies is “Who do you hate more: Everton or Man Utd?”

Though I instinctively baulk at the word ‘hate’, preferring instead to express my aversion to these particular teams as a severe case of schadenfreude, I can’t deny that it’s a question that I have passed many an idle moment contemplating, perhaps while waiting for a Jermaine Pennant cross to be retrieved from the crowd, or a Reds Bar hot dog to reach room temperature.

On these occasions my meditations have often concluded that this is a question that cannot be answered in absolute terms; in depends upon context. This was never better illustrated than on Sunday when these two came face-to-face in an FA Cup semi-final. On the face of it this was a no-win situation for any committed Red; but on this occasion there was little doubt as to where my loyalties would lie.

Though you can never be sure until the first goal-mouth incident, when your guts reveal indisputably your actual allegiance, the desired outcome was clear: United must be defeated.

This conviction was probably initially borne of a deep-seated fear of a domestic and European clean sweep for the boys from Old Trafford; but the flames of enmity were stoked to melting point by the outrageous behaviour of old Red-Nose himself at his press conference on Friday.

Giving a doughy-eyed performance that Keira Knightley would have been proud of, the King of Hypocrisy reflected on the apparent slights that Rafa Benitez had heaped upon his fellow managers, dragging up incidents from two years ago (the Everton ‘small club’ jibe) and conjuring up an imagined slight against his good friend Sam Allardyce. And so he felt sufficiently aggrieved to accuse Benitez of showing arrogance and contempt for his peers. Strong accusations indeed.

The contributions of Allardyce to this debate can be dismissed as those of young boy throwing rocks over a garden wall, running off when he hears a small dog bark. So obviously put up to it by his lord and master, Allardyce will do anything to distract attention from his own failings: usually the referee will be the obvious target, but anyone will do.

Was it not Big Sam who accused Benitez of ‘moaning and whinging’ the previous week? And he’s surprised he won’t have a drink with him?

You’ll no doubt recall Fergie expressing bafflement at why Rafa Benitez had chosen to comment on him just before a Champions League match in which he was not involved. So baffled, that he chose to reciprocate the following week. And this is the fine proponent of respect that bizarrely criticised the decisions to send off Scholes and Rooney at Fulham, saying “But it’s Phil Dowd, so what do you expect?”

Admittedly, it is difficult to argue with his criticism of Rafa’s comments about David Moyes’s Everton. Much better to show them the respect they deserve by putting out your reserve team against them in an FA Cup semi-final.

So for once you got your just desserts Fergie. And one of my enduring memories of this season will be you flapping your arms like a distraught albatross with boulders tied to its feet at Mike Riley’s refusal to award a penalty for Jagielka’s challenge on Welbeck. Beyond the pale.