IF you haven’t visited the new Liverpool FC Superstore yet in South John Street, I can assure you it’s well worth the trip.
I myself have avoided the sister shop in the Kop for some time: partly in protest when it was initially crassly named ‘Liver World’ as opposed to the blindingly obvious ‘Kop Shop’; and partly in shock after being confronted by a security guard at the entrance who, clearly fresh out of customer service school, enquired whether I was ‘lookin’ or ‘buyin’?
At the time I resisted the temptation to remind him of the basics of shopping, and slunk off towards the turnstiles resigned to wearing my Michael Robinson bobble hat for yet another year.
But the brand spanking newness of the new city centre store was just too much to resist, and so I ventured forth to explore this veritable cornucopia of all things Red.
The first display to catch my eye was in the ‘Sale’ corner, where last season’s shirts were modelled by mannequins bearing striking resemblances to Riise and Voronin; the latter was further reduced as the matching shorts had a large footprint on the back. A third was difficult to make out as it towered through a specially carved hole in the roof. I nearly missed the fourth, seemingly hiding at the back, looking like a handsome young Spaniard. Surely that wasn’t a tear in its eye? No, must be condensation.
As I progressed, it was clear that not all stock was yet on view. The ‘New Arrivals’ section was bare, though clearly an opening special offer was in preparation: several ‘Free’ signs were scattered about. Mind you, there was one podium near the back with a horrendous price tag in waiting – probably explains the free gifts.
On now to the accessories, and some novelty items in the Gloves section. The ‘Charles Itandje’ line appeared to have 10 thumbs; while frankly the Hicks-Gillett brand looked more like knuckle-dusters! At least the latter came with a free pair of Rick Parry pants! On second thoughts, I think they must have sneaked through quality control...eugh.
Spotting the models of the new ground, I hurried over to find several pieces of tarmac with cars parked all over them, with large ‘FULL’ signs at the edges, even though there appeared to be plenty of spaces left.
Didn’t look much like a stadium to me, especially with a £400m price tag – don’t think they’ll sell many of those. I quickly moved on, to a much more populated area, designated ‘Mugs’. Here’s a novel idea: 3,000 of them, each bearing the face of a fan who travelled to the Reading away game in December! I must be in here somewhere!
Yes here I am – and each comes with a replica of the towel thrown in by Rafa Benitez half-way through the second half! A real collectors’ item!
Hurrying past the ‘modern silverware’ department, I paused to browse through the DVDs: interesting titles like ‘Everton’s Corners 2005-2008’; ‘Bill Kenwright and the Temple of Doom’; and ‘Kewell’s Anatomy’. Then on past the John Terry crèche, where young Wenger and Moyes were making a hell of a din, thrashing their legs and waving their arms in the air, dummies lying all around. You’d think people would control their kids wouldn’t you?
But the best was saved for last: Fernando’s Grotto, a place of great beauty, where exquisite gifts illuminate a picturesque winter’s day, where will o’ the wisps flit gracefully round opponents’ tangled legs, where nets bulge with goals of priceless perfection.
This might not be the bargain basement, but this is where the quality is at. I know where I’ll spend my money now.
What do you think? Have your say at www.liverpoolbanter.co.uk
