"EXCUSE me, dear, I think you’ve made a mistake,” I imagine less-clued up customers are saying to weary shop assistants in John Lewis stores the world over on spying this year’s seasonal offering.
It is, as celebrity chefs are fond of stating, a twist on the traditional. This time, though, it is more of a turn than a twist – a literal 180-degree rotation.
The department store’s festive must-have is an upside-down Christmas tree. I was prepared for this on a recent visit to the haberdashery section because a dedicated follower of fashion at the Daily Post Mansion had already spied it and was exclaiming about it as early as September.
“Who would want an upside-down Christmas tree?”, I mused at the time. She was quick with the answer – apparently they are perfect for modern apartments where there is little floorspace but plenty of room nearer the ceiling.
Unless you are Lionel Richie or the bankers out of Mary Poppins, the ceiling is considered to be wasted space, so who can blame upwardly mobile types for clearing some room for their plastic designer sofas and minimalist sculptural ornaments by moving the widest branches to the top?
Of course, those with a stilt-walker’s physique will risk losing an eye to a part- icularly pointy pine needle so perhaps they should stick with last year’s white LED tree or the stylish artificial black tree from 2005.
Or, if their pockets are nearly as deep as their height, they could pop over to Japan for a diamond encrusted tree, selling in the up-market department store Takashimaya for £945,000.
It stands at just 40cm high and is decorated with jewels totalling about 100 carats. According to the store, the smaller diamonds “sparkle charmingly like morning dew on petals, while two-carat and three-carat pieces mesmerise admirers with their noble glow.”
It’s hard to argue that Christmas has not become a festival of materialism when the tree costs more than 180,000-times the UK minimum hourly wage.
But then again there is something about seasonal decorations that brings people together, even if it is in a Liverpool-wide competition to balance the biggest illuminated snowman on the roof.
A fan of the smell of real pine, I am waiting until the weekend to get my tree from the local garden centre so that it doesn’t become balder than an American eagle by Christmas Eve.
It’s the first December in our new home, and I am pretty sure that our neighbours will have dismissed us as a pair of bah! humbugs because we haven’t already strung lights to our railings and adorned the guttering with blue icicles.
We went away to Scotland for a week’s fresh air, and while we were gone the entire street has been up in their lofts bringing down boxes of decorations and out in the garden taking trimmings of ivy.
Walking home from the bus stop on Monday night was like stepping out in the North Pole (or the Christmas department of Taskers). I counted three inflatable Santas, numerous snowmen, and a flurry of sparkling snowflakes.
I thoroughly expect regular pile-ups on the road as drivers find themselves dazzled by leaping reindeer, flashing holly wreaths and fibre-optic poinsettias.
One family has converted its garage into a second lounge to create, it appears, a space for showcasing the Christmas tree.
With branches that stretch into every corner, it leaves no room for anyone to squeeze inside and enjoy the view, so presumably it’s there purely for the enjoyment of passers-by.
Not for these neighbours the upside-down tree or minimalist ornaments, although this year’s festive fad would at least allow a bit of a gap for the children to huddle underneath and watch the lit-up sleigh on the other side of the road.
Now where can I find a 15ft snowman?
