What a ridiculous suggestion! David Beckham vacuuming? Give us a break. As Becks told Parkinson on the latter’s last chat-show: “My wife’s great, but she likes making up things for the press.”

Leggy Penny Lancaster possibly lassooed wrinkly 1970s rocker Rod Stewart with her thong and reeled him in and up the aisle.

But the bottom really fell out of the thong market when nightclub owner Peter Stringfellow suddenly bent over on a Florida beach.

He revealed his capacious derriere criss-crossed by a G-string and two coastguard patrol boats radioed HQ claiming they were about to run into Cuba.

After that, it was open season. What Not To Wear TV fashion victimisers Trinny and Susannah branded “disgusting” those women who let their thongs appear above their trousers.

The ever-so slightly chavvy model Jodie Marsh is even toying with bigger pants, taking her image fractionally upmarket, albeit probably by default. She declared: “Showing your thong is a bit old now. I’d rather have big knickers showing over the top of my jeans.” Ms Marsh has a collection of 500 thongs, but it isn’t clear whether she’ll leave them to the UK Design Centre’s fashion archive for future underwear academics to pore over.

In 2003, about a third of all women’s knickers sold were G-strings, reaching a staggering £100m.

By last year, sales fell to only 12% of the knicker market, which still accounted for some £44m of turn-over. This change is not only dictated by taste. We must thank our boffins, who have tirelessly slaved over their test-tubes looking into big knickers.

As a result they have come up with pants which, no matter how big, still conceal their panty line.

So as the thong is finally run down the British flagpost of fashion, let’s raise a glass of Lambrini and, while the sun sets, sing a final chorus of Just a Thong at Twilight.