IF IT is not Madonna’s terrifying obsession with leotards and fingerless gloves, it is Kylie reneging on her decision never again to be photographed in hot pants now she has passed the magic 40 barrier.

Yes, the issue of dressing for your age has reared its ugly head again in the press.

Normally, I would treat such discussion with the sort of disdain it clearly deserves, but, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I fear my confidence is not what it was and I find myself addressing the issue of “age-appropriate clothing”.

With her 50th birthday approaching this August, Madonna appears to have the body of a 25-year-old – more unkind commentators would say a 25-year-old male – but you just know you could bounce 10p pieces off her backside. Naturally, then, she cannot keep it covered.

Kylie, meanwhile, left, has come through the ravages of breast cancer and chemotherapy and even if she may no longer be the teensy dancing fairy she once was, still looks more than fit enough to be posing in silver hot pants as she was spotted doing on a photo-shoot in Greece last week.

So why is it that every time pictures of either of these women appear on the myriad websites there are out there, jealous souls think it their right to tell them to grow up and throw on the twinset?

Or, as one particularly mean blogger said of Kylie recently: “It’s about time she realised she is past it, settled down and had some kids.”

On the upside, fans did just name the popstrel the celebrity who is growing old most gracefully, just ahead of fellow Antipodean Elle MacPherson and our own Liz Hurley (incidentally, Madonna came fourth).

It is worth noting that this obsession with age-appropriate dressing doesn’t just stop with the middle-aged. Younger stars also come in for criticism, this time for dressing too old for their age.

Actress Katie Holmes regularly receives abuse from the fashion pack for choosing Armani Prive over Armani Exchange, and Kate Middleton gets berated for sticking with that staple of the over-35s – the jersey dress, come party or polo.

Poor Gwyneth Paltrow, meanwhile – who is a mere 35 – after years of blending in with her plain, earth mother look, slipped into a few slinky dresses and a truckload of killer heels, only to get a kicking from people calling her “mutton”.

So where does that leave me, at 29-years-and-364-days-old today? What precisely should I be wearing to avoid being hit with this dreaded tag?

As I have an uncanny ability to never be dressed appropriately for anything from the weather to the occasion, I have decided I could not give a Jimmy Choo about dressing my age.

After all, no-one cares about the number of candles on your cake, it is the number on your knicker label that counts when it comes to fashion.

That said I think I might leave the sequinned hot pants to Kylie . . .