FILLING in an internet survey is the modern equivalent of rubbing Hammerite into your suit of armour and pointing a trusty steed in the direction of a faraway land.

In their efforts to understand the meaning of existence, our ancestors undertook dangerous quests through arid landscapes, searching for holy relics that would prove humanity’s importance in God’s masterplan.

In comparison, today’s pursuit in understanding the human condition suffers from a distinct lack of adventure.

There are no mythological beasts keen on finding out if people taste better with or without their arms ripped off and no wizened enchanters demanding the answer to rhyming conundrums, although there are computer viruses and a multitude of pop-up windows to contend with.

Instead of seeking self-awareness on the top of mist-crowned mountains or among desiccated valleys, the contemporary homo sapien looks to questionnaires.

Unable to truly understand ourselves, we place our faith in the idea that we can learn more about our personality by studying our own habits, as if we were somehow uninvolved in the decision to wear red shoes (creative, attention-seeking) rather then black (dependable, predictable).

Despite knowing I am a permanent B (ie, apparently perfectly balanced, aka boring) rather than a melodramatic, impulsive A (far more exciting) or a wallflower C, I cannot resist an internet survey.

In the past few years, I have answered hundreds of questions about my tastes in music, food, friends and men, selected my likely reaction in scores of potential situations and rated my preferences from one to 10, just in case the results would reveal something about myself that I didn’t already know.

During this time, I have discovered which Muppet I would be (Kermit), my pirate name (Dirty Mary – I haven’t allowed it to catch on) and that if I were a drink I would be a black coffee.

Unable to find among these results any revelations about my psyche, I was intrigued by a recent piece of research that has plotted personality against musical taste.

Perhaps with this I could discover the reason for my inability to sit through TV adverts without hopping through channels more erratically than a blindfolded pogo jumper, or maybe it would explain my uncontrollable hatred of bananas.

No such luck.

According to the study by Prof Adrian North, of Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh, people who like the same music also share personality traits – rap fans tend to be self-confident and extrovert, while Country and Western buffs are hard working and friendly.

Intriguingly, those who appreciate classical music are virtually identical to “metalheads” with their creative natures, high self-esteem, introverted natures and inner ease.

But, as interesting as this is, none of it really helps me because, as much as I try to be pigeonholed, on this occasion I just can’t be.

The problem is that I really like jazz (creative, outgoing, chilled, high self-esteem) but I also love classical, which means I should be introverted.

I also, in the right circumstances, enjoy a bit of disco or pop (high self-regard, hard-working, gentle) but the non-creative nature of the disco/ pop fan doesn’t square with the creative abilities of the jazz/ classical personality traits.

Then there’s the low self-esteem and aggressiveness that I should be showing as someone who downloads a lot of indie music.

Hopefully, rather than indicating a fractured personality, this simply reveals that different genres appeal to my different moods.

This does make sense – for a long time at school liking Beethoven was my dirty secret, but now I relish my well-stocked iPod ready to cheer or console depending on how the day is going.

And, if the flowing melodies of a Mozart concerto offer the same refuge for the shy classical music lover as stadium-strength emo does for introverted My Chemical Romance fans, then perhaps the secret to the human condition is simply that, despite our differences, deep down we’re all just the same.

But, before coming to that conclusion, I have a questionnaire correlating favourite handbag shapes with preferred tea bag brands to fill in.

lauradavis@dailypost.co.uk