NO YOU’RE not seeing things, this is really my column and it’s really a Monday. Now, while I appreciate the inconvenience – I’m sure you all tell the days of the week by how many it is to go to your weekly fix of my rambling musings – it’s all in a good cause.

From Wednesday we’ll be increasing our arts coverage to an extra page a week and the Daily Post powers-that-be decided the sight of my ugly mug twice on the same centre-spread would be too much for you, dear reader, to cope with.

Personally, it’s exhausting enough to hold my index finger and thumb in this uncomfortable position one day at a time – I wouldn’t like to have to do it twice on Wednesdays.

The only problem is that I have a sneaking suspicion that Wednesdays are better than Mondays.

It’s the over-the-hump day, when we’ve all got over the fact that last weekend has come and gone and the next one’s just around the corner.

If Wednesday were a person, he’d be the perfect balance of chilled out and focussed.

He’d dress smart-casual, be quick with a joke and a shoulder to cry on.

He’d be just handsome enough without being threatening to other men or invoke jealous rages in women.

Monday, on the other hand, would be a difficult person to get along with.

He’d be an angular sort of chap, all pointy nose and sharp elbows.

Despite his best intentions, he would speak bluntly, his pallid face rendered paler by his grey, single-breasted suit.

Everyone has Monday moments, though they don’t always take place on the first day of the working week, but I suspect we’d all like to be more of a Wednesday.

We may think, on lazy beach holidays or while fitting in a supermarket shop at 10pm because there was simply no other time to do it, that we would rather be a Friday, perpetually high on the experience of living.

Permanent pay day, the constant anticipation of two days off, no wheelie bins to put out.

But just as Fridays are good days because they’re only one in every seven, being ceaselessly in the party spirit is bound to leave you with one hell of a hangover.

Anyway, I have a solution to the whole changing column publication day thingy – we’ll just go on pretending it’s Wednesday.

I’ll carry on writing about my usual suitable-for-the-middle-of-the-week topics, if you promise to read them with your happily-balanced Wednesday head on, rather than with Monday morning unforgiving scrutiny.

Of course, we may all get a bit of a shock when, two days later, the weekend doesn’t arrive.

But hey – then we’ll get to enjoy Wednesday all over again.

You could always cut out and keep my Monday-pretending-it’s-Wednesday column to read again later in the week.

But I suggest you trim around my photo in case you suffer the dreaded effects of being confronted with it twice in one day.

The only drawback to this that I can see is that it might get confusing when opening Advent calendar doors.

As I prefer the old-fashioned ones with a pretty picture inside rather than a chocolate, I could just open Monday’s door again on Wednesday and pretend I hadn’t seen it before.

But those of you who have a festive-shaped morsel behind each door might start holding Hercule Poirot-style confrontations in the living room to see who pilfered the milk chocolate Christmas pudding.

READ more of Laura’s columns at www.liverpooldailypost.co.uk/lauradavis

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