THIS time last year, in this very column, I lamented the fact that the days of frocky horrors at the Oscars are long gone.
And sure enough Sunday night’s red carpet was distinctly lacking in disastrous dresses.
Forget Bjork dressed as a swan, Charlize Theron in lavender satin with a couple of Dior Danish pastries on her chest, and Vera Farmiga as a Marchesa-designed toilet-roll doll were about as bad as it got.
But, ladies, let us not bitch about the bad (because we can’t) and instead praise the good.
And there was plenty of that as Hollywood’s finest stepped out in some of the most daring dresses ever seen at the Academy Awards, and I am not just talking about Hilary Swank’s slit- to-the-navel Armani Prive gown which was presumably designed to make it clear once and for all that she is, in fact, a girl.
It is fair to say, though, it was Mr Armani’s night with Hilary, Amanda Seyfried and Jennifer Lopez all pilfering his haute couture collection.
Not everyone has been kind about Lopez’s huge futuristic bubble- wrap-esque number, but I thought it a brave choice, although I wasn’t surprised she swapped it for something a little simpler when she headed over to the Vanity Fair party.
Other actresses adopting the bigger is better mantra included Avatar actress Zoe Saldana in her over-the-top Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci gown. The dress, with its huge ruffled hem in every possible shade of purple, was amazing, sadly most people didn’t have a clue who she was on the red carpet, probably because in her biggest role to date, the poor girl is a blue cartoon.
Those who weren’t wearing dresses so big they required red carpet planning permission were glowing for gold or shimmering in silver.
After a few years of red carpet ropiness, it was good to see Cameron Diaz back to her glam self in diaphanous Oscar de la Renta and Helen Mirren was regal as ever in sequins and chiffon from Badgeley Mischka.
I would have liked to have seen Kate Winslet in something a little more exciting than her Yves Saint Laurent silver bustier and skirt, but she gets top marks for the sexy Veronica Lake hair and the £2m Tiffany necklace.
They say if you are going to win an Oscar you need an Oscar winner’s frock, and here Sandra Bullock, left, nailed it.
The Best Actress winner all but came dressed as one of the little fellas, albeit one wearing a shade of crimson lipstick usually reserved for little girls’ first make-up sets. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t smile as much as usual, she was worried it would be smeared all over those perfect white teeth.
Perfect and white pretty much sums up fellow best actress nominee Meryl Streep in her Chris March gown.
And we must not forget our own Carey Mulligan, resplendent in heavily embellished Prada, and the sort of earrings that would have even Pat Butcher’s earlobes groaning.
Little Carey was clearly in the mood for a really big night out, and what better way to make sure you don’t end up locked out than by stitching your keys to your dress?
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