THERE has been much cynicism this week about our Prime Minister’s “Ronseal” quip, when he borrowed a famous advertising slogan to describe his party’s partnership with the Liberal-Democrats.
Many have suggested this was just another piece of populist posturing, designed to convey the impression that Call-Me-Dave is the type of regular Joe who potters around B&Q on a Saturday morning.
In fact, I suspect the truth is far more worrying than that.
As a former PR man, I fear that Mr Cameron’s head bubbles with advertising slogans all day long, that they take up the space where normal humans keep boring old things like ideas and compassion and thoughtfulness.
In my nightmares, it is not the case that Mr Cameron’s advisers slip him the occasional ad slogan to make him seem normal, but that they must restrain him from using them all the time.
Seriously, this is how Mr Cameron’s mid-term Coalition report would have looked, were he given free rein.
Hello Boys! And, of course, hello girls too (Calm Down Dears, I was just getting to you). Oh yes, and for the benefit of that black man I once met, Wasssssuppppp!
Well, here we are at the mid-point of this coalition government, which Does Exactly What It Says On The Tin. Namely, causes an indelible stain which will last for many years to come.
Has it really been 2½ years since I looked Cleggers firmly in the eye, slightly released my grip on his throat, and whispered: “Go on, Nick. Just Do It.”
It has indeed. And it has been even longer since I P-P-P-Picked Up A Penguin when pretending to care about climate change.
Or was it a husky? Oh well, same diff, I can drop the Tony Blair act now I’m in power. (Remember Tony? It looked like he overdid it on the Cherie).
My point is that time flies and now seems like an appropriate moment to Have A Break, Have a Kit-Kat (three fingers for me, one for Nick) and look back on our progress so far.
Well, the economy remains stagnant, Eight Out of Ten Cuts have yet to be felt, and all of our growth forecasts have proved disastrously over-optimistic. Still, hasn’t my wife got lovely hair? Every Little Helps, eh?
Anyway, we are now fairly sure that the green shoots of recovery will definitely be seen around 2035. Good Things Come To Those Who Wait and all that.
People said this coalition would not last, that the in-fighting and bitching would create Probably The Best Saga In The World. Well, they were wrong.
Far from loathing our Liberal-Democrat colleagues in Cabinet, I have to say we rather like them. In fact, They’rrrrrrre Grrrrrrrating. Sorry, Great. I meant They’re Great.
And if you thought the first half of this term was jolly, just you wait for the next one. You only get an OO, with Part Two!