The great British battle-axe: Sharp and very good at her job

Apr 25 2008 by Valerie Hill, Liverpool Daily Post

“They are very well made, very sharp and largely very efficient at what they do,” she said, apparently never once letting her smile slip.

If that’s how people regarded her, then she was flattered to be so-called.

This description applied to Boadicea’s battle-axes of 2,000 years ago, which were very strong and sharp. They could cut through the heavy metal armour that Romans wore to protect themselves.

The battle-axe permitted the Queen of the Iceni and her troops to win battles against the Romans, who were thought to be practically invincible.

Gwyneth was a good-looking young woman who somehow turned into a rather more frightening form later on. The same ageing process was unimaginable concerning our biggest battle-axe of all, the late Bessie Braddock, MP for Liverpool Exchange.

With a figure like a road-block that would have trouble squeezing through the Birkenhead Tunnel, it’s impossible to imagine Braddock as being any other shape.

The military imagery is appropriate because, of course, a battle-axe takes no prisoners. She famously once roared at Tory Liverpool city councillors (remember them?): “I wish I had a machine gun on the lot of you.”

This was probably incited by her exchange with Winston Churchill when she accused him of being drunk and he ungallantly growled: “Bessie, you’re ugly, but I’ll be sober in the morning.”

In a bizarre self-promotional episode, she invited Hollywood siren Marlene Dietrich to help her canvass in Liverpool.

The great star obliged and Bessie was oblivious to the contrast they provided – after all, she got the publicity she anticipated.

But the ultimate story of the battle-axe and a German – and most pertinently a German man – is that of the late Dame Irene Ward, the Conservative politician, who died in 1980.

Among a group of MPs meeting Hitler in 1936, at one point she was heard shouting at the Fuehrer: “What absolute bosh you’re talking.”

No wonder he dithered over invading Britain. As I said, they don’t make them like that any more.