The One Eyed Rat is cute

Jun 7 2008 by Mike Chapple, Liverpool Daily Post

In these Sex and the City days its perfectly OK for the fashionistas to generalise about male faults from leaving the toilet seat up to putting forks in the knife section of the cutlery drawer.

You learn to grin, bear it and mutter “Yes, yes, of course you are right and I’m so sorry, my little piranha fish” for want of more earache.

But woe betide the caveman who dares to turn the tables.

Take the fairer sex’s legendary inadequacy for following directions.

This week a female colleague very kindly endeavoured to recommend where one of her favourite holiday locations was on a UK road atlas. “Now where is it?” she said. “I’m hopeless with maps.”

“That’s ‘cos you’re a woman,” said Yours Truly, jokingly.

It was a bad move resulting in an indignant “hurrumph!” for which Yours Truly will probably be sent permanently to Coventry (take junction 3 exit off the M6 – travel ed).

A similar thing had almost happened a few days before with Lady Penelope of Pensby riding shotgun in the Chapmobile. We were en route to North Yorkshire when what should have been a relatively straightforward journey into the woollie outback turned into a nightmare.

That is until the Lady in her role as guide finally put her glasses on and rotated the AA atlas the right way round.

“I’ll pretend you never said that,” said Penelope, frostily retaining her dignity after a rant from the Pub Column which DCI Gene Hunt from Ashes to Ashes would have been proud of.

We finally got back on course for a lovely weekend break at the Best Western Spa Hotel in ye olde cathedral city of Ripon. There, on its cobbled streets, we attempted to forget the previous fractious hours spent in the car to sample the much-vaunted delights of its pubs. The hotel’s own excellent public house the Turf Tavern and its Black Sheep bitter brewed in nearby Masham was a good way to start. After that, however, the alehouses we chanced upon as we tripped further into town were fairly mundane and nondescript until we came upon a cosy place in Allhallowgate that would have CAMRA purists purring with pleasure.

The One Eyed Rat is cute.

Formerly known as the Lord Nelson, in a way it still is because the great man was once unkindly referred to as a “cripple gaited, one-eyed, one-armed little naval critter” hence the current monicker. It even sports a unique sign with a cheeky caricature of a jolly jack tar with a rodent’s head and eyepatch, dancing the hornpipe.

It’s run by husband and wife team Dave and Ruth Hamby who took over the Rat three years ago when it already had a reputation for serving good cask ales. It’s a high standard which they have retained. There are seven well-kept real ales constantly on the go in the long narrow intimate bar with the aforementioned Sheep as the resident and the rest as guests. The Rat also has a mean selection of Continental lagers on draught including the Belgian Leffe, Czech Starapramen and the Kaltenberg Hell from Germany. They also sell a wide range of bottle beers including a perfect companion to Hell, the monumental Duvel which is Flemish for Devil beer. It’s an appropriate label since it packs a velvet gloved punch of 8.5%. and proved to be a real hit with the Lady who certainly knows her way when it comes to good taste.

She wouldn’t be with me otherwise. (Don’t push your luck – Lady P)