Festive cheer

Nov 27 2007 by Mr Brocklebank, Liverpool Daily Post

CHRIMBO-WATCH: as everyone else is “doing Yule”, Brocklebank resident column humorist Peter Moloney has penned readers a seasonal poem entitled A Plea for Sanity Claus, which he boasts was adapted without permission from the author, Lewis Carroll, who was too busy being dead to refuse.

“You are old Father Christmas,” the young man said,
“And your myth has become very stale.
Do you think it is right to bamboozle the kids,
With such an improbable tale?”

“In my day,” said the Saint, “I collected the gifts,
Of the rich to pass on to the poor.
And whether by grotto, or Giro, or crib,
I’m glad it gets done more and more. “

“You are old and deceitful,” the cynic then scoffed,
“With your Lapland and fairies and gnomes.
Pretending to drop from your reindeer-drawn sleigh,
Down chimneys, right into folks’ homes.”

“Oh, get a life, Sonny,” the old  Saint advised,
“And stop being bitter and sad.
Give thanks to your Maker, for Christmas, with joy:
And celebrate. There’s a good lad!”

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IS THE dismantling of Liverpool’s Strand pedestrian bridge a wise move? With the international spotlight firmly on us, do we need to attract further opprobrium for making so many people homeless?

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ONCE hailed as “the gateway to Birkenhead”, the abysmal condition of Oxton Congregational Church, Balls Road, encapsulates the dither and prevarication blighting modern life.

The sandstone Grade-II listed building closed a decade ago. The nearby Christian Centre’s offer (for youth and community uses) was topped by property developers, whose purpose was never clearly defined. Now the church is derelict with floral tributes, drooping outside, dedic- ated to a man who fatally fell from the roof. No authority has taken any steps to rectify this wretched state of affairs – surely a display of dead flowers is not a fitting method of honouring his memory.

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SQUIRREL X-factor: Mr Brockle- bank’s new reader participation feature. Permission for Natural England to fell a quarter of Formby’s red squirrel refuge means that 22 of these animals could be lost.

But restoring the dunes will reprieve threatened natterjack toads, sand lizards and tiger beetles, which cannot live in shade and pine-needle cover. Which species is more impor- tant? You decide. Sadly, Mr Brocklebank has no copies for winners of his cheery festive kid- dies’ film, When Reindeer Go Bad.

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SERIOUSLY, you can vote for the 1930s Plaza Cinema, Crosby (Merseyside’s only community cinema) in its bid to win £50,000 for a facelift from Big Lottery People’s Millions, in a contest with a Manchester arts centre. Details: www.thepeoplesmillions.org.uk