Mr Brocklebank: The nowhere men

Feb 5 2008 Mr Brocklebank, Liverpool Daily Post

THE millions (or is it  billions?) of tourists  expected in our fair city  in the coming months  will be interested to see  statues of native men perched in  improbable poses over one of the  new hotels.

"Say Budd, I didn't realise this  city was also famous for Planet of  the Apes?" you can imagine  Myrtle saying to her regular  Yankee husband as they saunter  along North John Street, in their  Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda  shorts, to their cruise ship.

The  hotel's name, The Hard Day's  Night, is perhaps the only clue to  the identity of the embarrassed  foursome. (So that means it can't  be Gandalf, Bilbo, Sam Gamgee  and Legolas either). Further  suggestions on the identity of this  mysterious quartet are welcome.

***

FOLLOWING parking woes, this  column's intrepid Liverpool secret  shopper reports: "Outside  Brunswick railway station, a posse  of parking attendants were giving  out tickets to those who sensibly  parked there to avoid the city  centre." As we know, if they really  were sensible, their next  destination will be the Trafford  Centre with its free parking.

***

FURTHER to Wirral Council  abandoning its £300,000 gateway  Viking boat sculpture, why was  Tom Murphy's proposed Neptune  sculpture overlooked and left dead  in the water?

Surely this giant statue of a  naked Poseidon seated off New  Brighton, grasping his mighty  trident, would have been a boon  for the resort's flagging saucy  postcard industry? 

***

ERRATUM: Unveiling the £8.6m  refurbished Victoria Building to  top business bananas, Liverpool  University vice-chancellor Prof  Drummond Bone opened  proceedings saying: "Welcome to  this preview of the Tate . . . I  mean, the Tate Hall, in the new  Victoria Gallery & Museum."  That's the trouble with cultural  Liverpool these days – so many  galleries, so much confusion, so  few names.

***

MORE evidence that Liverpool is  officially Britain's worst managed  council is confirmed by Culture  Co chief executive Jason  Harborow's £230,000 pay-off by  mutual consent.

Far more cost-effective surely  would have been to let him work  his contract for 2008 – a snip at  £150,000pa. A saving of £80,000 for  council charge payers and he'd be  around to clear up any problems.

***
 
POETRY corner: Will  the silent majority rise  up against the self- seeking political classes?  So asks "Vexed of Vauxhall",  adding: "Would poet Robert  Herrick (1591 - 1674) if  alive today have penned  this Ode to Liberal Democrats  in Liverpool – and not his Ode  To Daffodils?"

To Liberal Democrats
Liberal Democrats we  won't weep to see
You haste away so soon
As  yet the early-rising sun of Capital  of Culture
Has not attained its noon.