The not-so Fab Four

Mar 25 2008 by Mr Brocklebank, Liverpool Daily Post

NEVER one to exacerbate international diplomatic tension, Mr Brocklebank feels impelled to report that Merseyside sources firmly deny that the Swiss government, on behalf of a Zurich group for height- challenged bankers, is demanding that the four gnomes on the facade of the Hard Day’s Night Hotel should be restored to their rightful place in the Basle Cuckoo Clock, William Tell & Holey Cheese Theme Park.

"The truth of the matter is that these are figures based on a little known troupe of strolling players. Their names are George Harrison, Ringo Starr, Paul McCartney and John Lennon," says an exasperated hotel spokesman, "but I’m beginning to despair of anyone accepting that.

"Should we have a competition to rename them?" (see previous Brocklebanks).

Meanwhile, a bemused Japanese tourist gazed upward at a hotel satellite dish, singing a mournful lament: "Above us only sky . . ."

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CARS impounded for various road offences are displayed outside Merseyside Police HQ, at Canning Place. Is this the modern equivalent of having the decapitated heads of wrong-doers on poles over the city gates?

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MR BROCKLEBANK warmly applauds the stern rebuke delivered to the elders of the Roman Catholic Church, in Liverpool, for their failure to find a fitting use for St Mary of the Angels church, in Fox Street, Everton Brow, from Dr Richard Pollard, of California, great- nephew of White Star Line heiress Amy Elizabeth Imrie, who founded, financed and furnished the church.

As Dr Pollard notes, £1m has been found to "disfigure" this church as a rehearsal hall, but no money was forthcoming when the congregation asked for council and ecclesiastical leaders to help it stay open as a place of worship.

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IS THE naming of the Bling Building by Grosvenor’s Liverpool One a further distressing lapse into informality – or an example of this city’s celebrated honesty?

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WHEN will Merseyrail mugwumps learn the non-arrival of a train is a certain cause of inconvenience to its long-suffering public?

The present mealy-mouthed announcement for the latest failure, as in "Merseyrail would like to apologise for any inconvenience this may cause", is in almost every true circumstance nonsensical.

However, in mitigation, these are local journeys. Recently, at Liverpool Lime Street, the cancellation of the service to Norwich was announced with the same lame words apologising for "any inconvenience this may cause". MAY? It is colossally inconvenient to reschedule a Liverpool – Norwich journey. Two weeks ago at Moorfields, announcing a cancellation, the Merseyrail operative did say "we apologise for the inconvenience this will cause" – but that’s presumably a one-off statistical aberration.