Living a long life can have its own downsides

Jun 30 2008 by Peter Elson, Liverpool Daily Post

ONE of the reasons that young people seem to want to grow up so fast is that we are tending to live much longer.

Delaying marriage, or postponing starting a family, means you can extend youthful behaviour longer.

According to these figures handily provided for me, there are more than 1m people aged over 85, which means our lives and the chance to do something, or prolong a certain state, are extended more than ever.

The number of men who are centenarians or older has risen above 1,000 for the first time, which is indicative that the greater mass of the population is enjoying (or possibly enduring) longer lives.

Interestingly, the numbers of men living longer into very old age is due to the fact that this generation is too young to be not sucked into the carnage of the First World War.

Men’s life expectancy is also increasing more quickly than women’s, says the Office for National Statistics.

What does worry me, as the proud son of a sprightly father cantering towards his 91st birthday in a couple of months’ time, is the way science has managed to prolong our lives, but as yet not their quality.

Somehow my father battles on, although I don’t think he’d even heard of youth culture until after he’d retired.

While not wishing to shuffle anyone off the old mortal coil quicker than has been decreed by a divine power, there is a gnawing anxiety about how all these extra years are to be filled in a more satisfying way.

My father’s great cry is that he is crushingly lonely since my mother died nearly nine years ago.

He still occupies their marital home, but it’s a very empty existence, as inevitably her presence has waned over the years.

He encapsulates this isolation by telling me that “there’s not even someone to ask if I want a cup of tea”.

We’ve been through all the alternatives of what might improve the situation and all the choices, while he can manage his present circumstances and look after himself, would reduce his quality of life.

The main problem now is his forgetfulness.

No difficulty in recalling for me what happened when St Paul’s Boys’ Brigade went to the Isle of Man during Easter, 1931, but trying to remember whether he’s eaten his lunch and we’re getting into a twilight zone of forgotten meals.

As I tried to explain to my youngest son, memory to me is like a bucket: what’s in the bottom stays firmly in place, while the nearer to the top it tends to slop about a bit and sometimes spills out and is lost.

Unnervingly, at times I feel I’m coming up fast behind my father, or rather he’s just further down the same slope of mental decay.

It is with a certain dread, but practically a knee-jerk reaction these days, to wonder if there is not a pill to sort out such knotty problems?

In fact, there are lots of pills, which is what keeps so many of the problems at bay.

But there is not one to cure loneliness, or being the last of the line.

The longer-lasting men trend is cited along with figures that indicate married people have become a minority for the first time.

Most over-16s are now single, divorced or widowed, with the number of weddings in England and Wales falling to 236,980, which is the lowest since 1895.

Robert Whelan, of the Civitas think-tank, says: “There is no sign of an end to the trend for fewer marriages.

“We are looking at a future in which fewer and fewer people will live as married couples.

“All the consequences will be seen in terms of poorer health, lower incomes, more benefit dependency, increased drug and alcohol abuse, growing crime and anti-social behaviour.”

Well, I can confirm that my father has failed to tick practically all those boxes in his four score years and 10, it does indicate that, in spite of the stresses and strains, close relationships provide crucial stimulation and reassurance.

peter.elson@dailypost.co.uk